Horrendus Estas

Sorry it’s been so long but I have been licking my wounds and contemplating the state of the world. Things like this just didn’t happen when I were a lad. I am allowed to say things like that now I am a forty something.

As you recall the last time I scrawled some thoughts on my keyboard I was worried that it was taking my new employers so long to give me a start date. Well my paranoia was justified since they withdrew the offer on the 26th July on the basis of a preliminary diagnosis of having IBS. So that’s cost me a job, 6 weeks with no income waiting for a start date, £500 for clothes to match their stupid dress code and left me £3k in debt (for the bike) and a £500 overdraft which I only took on to get through the pay trough when switching jobs. We are taking them to tribunal under the Disability Discrimination Act, but it hasn’t done my career any favours, but let’s not bother getting into the gritty details. I can’t stand having to go over a hard luck story over and over again until at last everyone knows the story.

Anyway it’s not just my massive readership that has suffered my silence. So I apologise to my friends for being incommunicado recently.

There’s been no lack of things to rant about in the world recently, but to be honest I have been too overwhelmed with incredulity to manage to type a coherent, let alone slightly amusing comment lately. Which is another reason for my silence.

Thankfully I haven’t spent the last few months curled in a foetal ball all the time. I was asked by a friend if I would consider doing them a website on the cheap, it’s still under development but the latest draft can be seen here. Personally I think it looks good (unless you are using IE6 of course, in which case you should be shot), but then I would. Unfortunately Jennifer’s marketing person doesn’t seem to agree with me. Hopefully we can come to an agreement soon. The lack of positive feedback isn’t helping my mood any!

I should mention big congratulations to Paul & Joh on their wedding and apologise for not being able to make it thanks to all the reasons above. Also congratulations to Lynn & Mark on their marriage too and once again my apologies for not being able to make it to Niagra Falls for the ceremony.

More apologies to Paul & Sam (or Mum & Dad as they are commonly known) and George for missing your birthdays.

In more news… I have finally been sent to a specialist regarding my digestive issues (severe anti-wheatiness causing extremely severe anti-social bottom syndrome, oh and of course the pain, oh the pain!). So I have recently enjoyed the pleasure of having a camera, scalpel and air tube strapped together and inserted in my bottom by two burly Brighton men and a mature lady. It is a treatment I can highly recommend to anyone wishing to be cured of Munchausen syndrome. My next exciting procedure is a camera and scalpel strapped together and forced down my throat into my stomach. I’m really looking forward to that, especially since I seem to have a hair trigger gag response. I think they might have to give me a general if they expect to get anything other than 3 star michelin grub down my throat.
There is however an upside to this forthcoming violation procedure. I have to eat wheaty things for four weeks before the biopsy. Just to explain briefly the procedure is to rule out Coeliac Disease which is an auto immune condition and can be identified because the vili of the small intestine are damaged by the immune system in the presence of gluten (this is off the top of my head, I am sure it is more complicated than that, but I’m not going to go quoting wikipedia). So the biopsy isn’t very helpful if you have been living gluten free for many years.

From what I gather most people who find themselves in a similar situation tend to eat a slice of bread a day until their biopsy. The poor unfortunate fools! Gluten is so pervasive in the western food culture that for years I have had to forsake all sorts of things beyond bread. Let’s face it, this period is going to hurt not only me but also Jo and Tass. I might as well make an effort to enjoy poisoning myself for four weeks.

So I am working on a diet rich in real ale, malt vineger (oh how I miss it!!!) Fish & chips and eating out at restaurants without having to ask what every fecking ingredient is. Unfortunately there’s always the risk I will end up bent double with agonising stomach cramps or at worse unexpectedly crap myself so I hope you are understanding if I am planning to visit you before the end of October 😉

toodle pip

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